Another (Long) Rant

For quite some time now, I haven’t really been myself. It’s not that I’m trying to pretend to be someone else, but I’m trying to be someone else. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not doing this to get attention. It’s just that some flaws I have are too much for the people around me and I have no choice but to try to fix it, at the very least.

Since I decided to blog this out anyway, then I’d share at least 70% information about it.

Truth is: I grew up a happy kid. My family is not perfect but not broken, I have an annoying brother (cause brothers are born to annoy and love you), sweet, loving and caring parents & grandparents, good friends, a dozen of Barbie dolls, toys, clothes, shoes, extravagant share of travel, and everything a person could ever desire. I had a pretty comfortable life. I never experienced riding a jeep until my high school friends taught me. Technically, there’s nothing more in this life I could ask for. 

I never learned how to save money, probably because it was always there when I needed it. I practiced saving money when I was a senior in high school because I wanted to buy myself a Fall Out Boy Concert ticket. I managed to save enough money from my allowance to buy me that ticket. Up to this day, I think that ticket was the only thing I have bought using “saved” money. My college allowance was pretty generous, so I would go out a lot and buy me a bunch of unnecessary things. But then again, I was in college. I didn’t have any responsibilities.

I’m turning 24 this year, I’m almost 2 years old at my current job, but it’s very sad that I don’t have any savings. For a first/entry level job, my job pays pretty well. For the rate of the lifestyle I got used to, my salary is far from enough. My salary should be enough for myself. Then again, I lived a pretty luxurious life. Since I started working, my parents never asked me to pay for anything. I’m the youngest in the family therefore I don’t have a sibling to support. How come I cannot get myself to save up a little money?

People around me would always ask me why I’m working given that I don’t like my job, I want to start my own business, and that I don’t need to. I would always answer in return, “Well, whatever wealth you think I have is not mine. I didn’t work for that; my parents did. Therefore I believe that I’d want to have that self-respect knowing that I can do it on my own, and that it is my money. My achievement. Yes, I’d like to have my own business. In fact, it’s going to open pretty soon. The thing is: where did I get the money to start up that business? Until the day I finish “paying” my parents for the capital, I still have this tiny devil in my head that keeps on saying, “this is not your business”.” That’s my reason.

Back to the main reason why I started this entry: If it’s not that obvious, I don’t know how to handle money. I can be good for a while, and then lose the money I have to unnecessary things such as alcohol, cigarettes, clothes, shoes, bags, wallets, watches, lipsticks, pens, and the likes (thank God I’m not into illegal stuff, if you know what I mean). My concern is the fact that I’ve become too capricious that I, though unintentional, used a certain amount of money that I shouldn’t have. It’s really tempting, trust me. Right now, I got rid of this dreadful and sinful “card” that led to this shitload of greed. I’m trying to live a different life for almost three weeks now. “Different” meaning live by my salary, and let go of the few luxuries I have in life.

How hard/easy is it to switch from being careless to careful? In some cases, I find myself in deep paranoia that I’d have to spend Php500 for gas, but don’t mind buying two packs of cigarettes (Php 72 each. I don’t smoke the two packs in a day; I just hate it I lose stocks in my bag) plus candy (Mentos Spearmint, Php24 each). How come I don’t mind paying for my Starbucks coffee (Php 160), but be very careful in spending for a meal worth Php90? This is my point… I really, really, really have to be simple in all ways possible. I have to let go of the unnecessary things I spend my money on. Why go for Starbucks, when I can get a Php 20 worth of coffee which tastes relatively good, and has the same effect? Why buy two packs of cigarettes, when I can buy one, and save money, and my lungs? Why spend Php 2000 on gas in a week, when I can spend less if I ride the train?

This has been a long entry already, but I guess there are just a lot of things in my head and I cannot control myself, just as hard as I couldn’t control my spending.

Twenty Thirteen in One Entry

Yey! Another year has passed and here we all are, trying to hope for a better year. I was thinking of making a collage of my 2013 highlights, but then again I think it wouldn't be enough for me to just put it one photo so I decided to make an entry about it. This will be a long one, so I apologize beforehand.

Coffee with this lady love of mine

Her name's Diane, and my blogs used to be about her. Lol! Not this one though. My friendship with her started out really messy and ended up really clean. I learned a lot of things from her, and I guess the most important lesson our relationship taught me is forgiveness. Believe me, if you knew our story, you'd high five the two of us. Well, we may not be able to talk as much anymore, but I hope she knows she'll always be in my heart. Till I see you again, Panget!

Craziness x4

These are my lovely friends from work. Darren, Lovely, and Patrisha. They're the ones that give me the urge to stay in the company. Love left the company already, and I know that before this year ends, the four of us may have left already. Then again, we won't let go of the friendship we've started. It will never end, may we be in different places or not.

May 2013, Batangas

With Janina

Brother's Graduation

I know how my brother has been longing for this day, and I'm more than happy for him. There's not much to say about this event since this isn't about me. I'm just glad he has finally achieved this.

Get together with high school friends

The Script III Live in Manila

...because I was this close. This fuckin close! Save Rock and Roll, VIP

Fall Out fuckin Boy

Patrick Stump, my love

Lovely and I are both HUGE fans of Fall Out Boy and when they released Save Rock and Roll, I had the feeling they're going on a world tour. Being the woman with great intuition that I am, I was right. Before the prices came out, I already told Love that I am more than willing to spend 10k for this concert. Luckily, the VIP ticket costs less than 10k. I was that fuckin close to Patrick! I was there!! I just think some people from the VIP area lost their manners that upon their third song, Love and I decided to move away. We were to choose between being that close to them or fainting. We were still at the VIP area, they were still close to us, but we had all the space to dance to their songs. I love you, Patrick Stump. I love you, Fall Out Boy! I hope you get the chance to read this and you know, love me back!

Reuniting with Rabi

I couldn't find a solo picture w Rabi during this night, but just to share with you, I kind of got mad at him for several reasons. I don't really want to elaborate, but this was the first night I saw him after everything, and this is Kevin, having the thumbs up pose just cause bati na kami.

People

Rab's birthday was sort of a reunion cause almost everyone from my group came :)

My lola's birthday

Been waiting since second year college for this. It's finally here!

Arrival at HK airport

Disneyland <3

Ladies' Market! Woot

Breathtaking view from The Peak

MTR

Reuniting w the best friend from Dubai

No one can ever understand how much I miss her every time. I always get excited before I see her, and then I get very happy when I'm with her, and then very sad when she leaves. It's always been like that since she left. I'll always miss you. No day/s you give me will be enough :(

I may not like me turning a year older, but I know that I'm still young. My 23rd birthday!

My south friends traveled north for my party!

Them people who will always be there

Beer pong at my place! Improvised second table LOL

Always, always love you

Niker, Ninai, Tiner, Pat

The girls of the night!

My companion to make the party a good one

My favorite cousin in the world from LA just visited Manila! So happy I got to see her again!

Boracay, Nov 2013

View from our villa

Just cause I'm crazy like that

Cliff diving off my bucket list! Highest I jumped was 10 meters

Amazing

Another view

From our couch

Ze brotha

Love

We stayed at Shangri-La Boracay. Well, I'd like to thank my mom for topping my birthday week! I loved loved loved loved loved this weekend! Shangri-La's service yet again surprised me. Will definitely visit ALL the Shangri-Las everywhere. Shangri-La Boracay, Mactan, Edsa, and Makati - CHECK! More to come.


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So there. This pretty much sums up my 2013. Haven't included the Christmas and NYE photos yet. I just felt like it needed a different entry given this one's really long. So, how was yours?

The Right One to Trust

"You can simplify your life by learning to develop trust in God. Far too often, we don't allow ourselves to trust. Maybe your trust has been betrayed too many times in the past, or maybe you're just a very independent person. Even so, it's so critical to learn to trust God.

It's easy to get stressed out and run-down trying to make your life work on your own, but that never works. And God's plan is always better than your own. The person who trusts God knows that His way is best.

Now trust won't just magically happen. Trust grows as we take steps of faith and experience God's faithfulness. You have to tell your doubt, your fear, your insecurity, or maybe even your fierce independence to make way for a life of trusting in God. When you do that, you won't have to struggle so much to make your life work.

Trusting God brings a supernatural rest to our souls, allowing us to live simply and freely, the way He wants us to live. So even when it doesn't make sense, trust Him, and experience His freedom and rest.

Prayer Starter: God, Your ways are better than mine and I know that trusting in my own strength will get me nowhere. I place my trust in You. Even when it doesn't make sense to me, I choose to trust You, knowing You will make Your plans come to pass."

- Email from Tus Guevarra

Let me begin by saying what we all know - we all have trust issues. I know how easy it is to imagine living what is written above yet very hard to actually live it. Believe me, this works.

I am not the most religious person there is; but I am more than sure that I have my faith. My faith in God - it's probably stronger than my faith in anybody else. I've had my share of downs. I was hurt, betrayed, cheated on, name it. I've been there. What gets me through everything is my faith. Don't get me wrong. I still go through rough days. What I'm saying is that no matter how painful one experience is, I always believe that one day, I'll get over it and understand why it happened in the first place. Does it sound easy? I know it's not, but trust me on this one: trust Him and you'll know what I'm talking about.

I hope writing this entry does not make me a hypocrite, cause I believe I didn't mention anything that saves me from all the shit that life brings us. I just wanted to share this one and how I handle things that come to me and why my life seems perfect as others see it.